Blog is Relocating

When I started the band process, I had these grand visions of having a blog dedicated to it and people having access to information...all the good important stuff. I realize that I'm not having the kind of experience that most people are looking for. I don't post all kinds of amazing recipes incorporating protein powders and stuff, and so far, it has been a pretty uneventful journey. That being said, I have decided to fold this blog into my regular blog. If you want to continue hearing about my lap band journey, 30 for 30, or just my life...you can now find me at www.thoughtsfromthejon.com See you on the other side.

30 for 30 Day 7

So if you are a regular reader, you probably recognized that yesterday was day 7 and today should be day 8. This isn't some sort of Sabbath period where I don't do work on Sundays or anything. I was just too stinking tired after working so much in the yard yesterday to actually post something. Sandra and I spent a lot of time raking the yard and I put some fertilizer down. We were going to ride our bikes to church, but timing didn't work out. I really don't mind though because the yard work was hard enough. We put in a good hour. Today I rode my bike to work, so I'm sitting pretty well for the longest continuous exercise stretch of my life. Happy Monday!

30 for 30 Day 6

It feels so good to be writing at 2:30 and already completed my 30 minutes for today. I don't think that I have gone six days in a row exercising since I was in high school...if then. Slept in a little bit this morning and then we rode our bikes to a picnic lunch to check out the new playground equipment at a local park. I attached the bike trailer onto my bike this time and pulled the boys behind. I love being cheered on with shouts of "Faster! Faster!" Then Aunt Katie and Uncle Ryan joined us and are going to spend the night! It's off to watch Tangled and dinner at McAlister's followed by some Oatmeal Stout from The Library. Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

30 for 30 Day 5

5 for 5!! I wasn't sure I would even make it this far in the challenge. I rode my bike tonight even though it was dark. Used some giftcards to order a headlight and tail light for the bike so I will finally be able to see after Tuesday. There was enough stinking wind tonight though so I'm thinking this wprkput should count for at least 40 minutes!

30 for 30 Day 4

Making small changes is the easiest way to start losing weight. Today, I needed to go deposit some cash in the bank. A year ago, it would have been a quick trip through the drive through teller after work. Today, I walked over to the on campus branch. Tonight, I needed to go back to lock up rooms in the Classroom Building because part of my job is to oversee that building. Instead of driving there, I rode my bike. It was really nice to ride in the cool when no one else was really around. I need to keep thinking of other small changes I can make. What kinds of changes have you been making?

30 for 30 Day 3

Today was such a hectic day!  I don't feel like I got much in the way of down time at work, and then had a friend come over for dinner tonight.  It didn't leave much time to try and work out.  Rather than trying to ride my bike in the dark...not to mention is was stinking cold outside tonight.  I took the advice of Sandra and busted out the Wii Fit.  I might as well put that thing to good use.  My favorite is the Kung Fu thing where you try to match their rhythms.  I'm not very good, but I put in the time I needed to, and stuck to the program.  I have completed 10% of the challenge without missing a day.  Let's hope we keep it up!  I think tomorrow we'll try to get on the bike some more.  Anyone else thinking Tour de Prairie?

30 for 30 Day 2

Day 2 and I'm still on track. Like I mentioned yesterday, I did a little extra walking going to and from a meeting today and managed to getbmy time in. I have to admit that I don't really like splitting up the workout. I'd much rather just hit it hard for 30 minutes straight and be done. 2 down 28 to go.

30 for 30 Day 1

   One day down in the 30 for 30 challenge.  I'm glad I haven't managed to screw it up yet!  I helped get the kids down for bed, then hopped on my bike and headed off.  I managed to get 6.67 miles in 32 minutes 44 seconds.  Laramie is such a cool place to ride, but tonight, it was actually a little too cool.  I had to keep the coat zipped up and wore gloves, but I love this place anyway.  Even though it is May and summer really hasn't hit, I know I will enjoy it all the more when I can head out in shorts and a t-shirt.  It's such a bike friendly town and people actually let me cross busy streets and I never had anyone honk at me.  I have a meeting tomorrow, so I'm thinking I will leave a couple minutes early and stretch it into a 15 minute walk both ways.  Anyone out there going to take up their own challenge?  I'd love to hear about it.

30 for 30

   If you have read the last couple of posts, I haven't been focusing too well on this weight loss journey.  It seems once you learn the appropriate methods to "cheat" the band, that it is much easier to do so and it happens more often than it should.  I have decided that I need to get back on track, and I would love the help of my friends and family to do it.

   Exercise is a key component of losing weight.  It helps burn calories, gets my blood flowing and help my heart to be strong and healthy.  The weight loss center where I did my surgery recommends getting 30 minutes five times a week.  It doesn't even need to be 30 consecutive minutes - as long as it is in 10 minute increments.  I could go walk for 10 minutes in the morning then bike for 20 in the afternoon.  I just need to be doing something!

   Counting today, there are 30 days left in the month of May, and I want to set a personal goal to get 30 minutes every single day for the rest of the month.  I have set up a special calendar to show what I've done, and I will also plan on posting a brief blog each day of what my activity was.  You are welcome to visit the blog or the calendar anytime.  Here is the link to the calendar.  http://goo.gl/aAcYM

   You are welcome to post comments on the blog, or if you want, you can send encouraging email or text messages.  If you don't already have my phone number, send me a message and I'll give it to you, but I'd rather not throw it on a blog.  This is going to be a tough challenge, because I'm sure I will want to just relax some nights, or it will be too cold or windy to bike, but it needs to happen.  Plus, this month I will turn 31 years old!  Regardless of my plans for the day, trips out of town or how busy I am at work, this should happen every day.  I'd love your encouragement, or for you to join me in the challenge.

Bands and Beer

Two of the "rules" for people who are banded are that we should avoid unnecessary liquid calories and we should also avoid carbonation.  Liquid calories I understand, but as I understand it, carbonation is more an issue of comfort.  Since your stomach is smaller, the air can cause a lot of discomfort.  I suppose enough pressure could probably cause your band to slip.

Either way, I took it really easy on food yesterday so that I could go hang out with a friend and drink a beer last night.  I have to say, the first beer since October-ish was really good.  I got the sampler at The Library again because I love trying all of them.  Needless to say, I managed it just fine.  I'm sure I won't be going crazy on the liquid calories, but I can see myself getting a pint of the Oatmeal Stout every now and then. I highly recommend it!

   It's so easy to put information out on a blog, or tell people when things are going so well during a weight loss journey.  It is much harder to tell people where you struggle or how you cheat the system.  I finally poured out my feelings to Sandra that I've been dealing with the past month or so.  This journey has gotten progressively harder but it's amazing when you realize how much other areas of your life really affect your weight.

   I have been cheating.  It is so easy to cheat, as anyone knows who has ever tried to lose weight.  It starts with the thought that, "It's just a little piece of brownie" or "It's ok if I overdo it just a little bit tonight.  After all we are celebrating or we're hanging out with friends."  With a band, you can't just allow a conscious slip up though.  You have to choose it.

   One of Sandra's new favorite things is the s'mores dessert pizza from Papa Murphy's.  They had it at Valentine's Day and told me that it was a temporary thing for the holiday.  Here we are in mid-April and they still have it.  She loves it and so do I!  It is relatively cheap at $4 and one of the few desserts that we both equally enjoy.  The problem is that for me to enjoy it, at least in the amounts I want to, I have to drink water while I'm eating it to force food through the band.  Otherwise, it does its job and makes me feel full.  I know how to cheat the system, and if there is something I like to eat, I WILL cheat the system.

   It is hard to explain how it feels when you have to cheat.  If you've ever had hiccups that were pretty strong and had to drink, you get that feeling like there is somehow a huge piece of food trapped and you can feel it sort of forcing its way through your stomach.  Maybe that's just me.  Anyway, that is what it feels like.  There is something that doesn't want to go through and when you take a drink and swallow slowly, you feel a lot of internal pressure on your stomach and it hurts to go through.  Once it is through, there is now room to continue eating.

   I've found myself lately in a place where I allow other frustrations to influence my desire for food, because food makes me feel better.  Whether it is dealing with financial struggles because my salary isn't quite enough to cover everything, or dealing with a child who is incredibly rude to a really good friend, or one that whines about having to do homework.  Whatever it is, there is always some excuse for me to eat.  I told Sandra all this last night and asked her to not want s'mores pizza for a while.  I asked her to not want to eat out, because if I run to grab something for us, I'll probably find an excuse to grab something extra that I don't need.  I asked her to help me get back on top of not drinking anything during my meals.

   It can't be her decision though.  I will be 31 in a month and need to be a man and learn to take a stand.  I need to make better choices for myself, or this whole process will have been a waste of time.  I need to teach my kids that external circumstance should not dictate how we live our lives.  I want better for myself and for my family. Sorry this is so long, but thanks for listening.

The Tuesday Funk

   It is so weird how dramatically attitude can shift.  I felt really good last week and felt like I was making progress.  Then something feels like it clicked the wrong way and now I just feel off again.  I don't want to focus on losing weight.  I don't want to focus on exercising. I think I've lost my mojo and don't really want to push to make any more progress.

   I want to cheat.  I want to drink soda again.  I want to eat Qdoba breakfast burritos three times a week and snack on plates of nachos at night while I watch television or play video games.  I want to make tasty desserts and finish off the pan after everyone goes to sleep.  It just doesn't feel like things are heading in the right direction.  They warned of potential "dark times" in this process and I think I'm there...ready to give up like so many times before.

   I know I'll work hard enough to not go back, but I can't seem to find the motivation to work hard enough to move forward.  I need to find a place of contentment and I know that eventually I will be back on track.  No matter how funky things feel sometimes, I know it will pass and things will progress like they should.  It just stinks feeling shifts like this with no real indicator of why.

Weigh In #11

The last time I posted a weight here, it was 265. That was over a month ago. I mentioned in a subsequent post that I was simply holding steady and hadn't lost any weight.  I went and got my band filled again, and they added only 1cc of fluid.  That sure doesn't seem like much, but I am the most restricted I've ever been and I actually notice it now.  Especially when I eat certain types of breads or something mushy like a french fry.  Food is getting stopped at the opening of my stomach and it gets pretty uncomfortable.  Thankfully, I'm still not having issues with things like PB (productive burping) which is a disgusting term they give at my clinic for the process where you body produces mucous to get food through or bring it back up.

I have had a few times where I needed to stand up and walk around, or even drink some water to get food through.  My only option at that point is to find a way to force it through, or find a way to bring it back up. There's some definite discomfort when it is forced through, but I think it's better than the alternative.

I also finally made it back to the gym this week.  I started slacking and went through a little bit of a funk for a few weeks there.  I only went a couple times, then didn't go at all for two full weeks.  That is pretty bad on my part.  The pre-approval process for surgery included a psychological evaluation because a lot of people struggle with depression with weight loss or more specifically having to learn to deal with whatever the person was avoiding by eating.  This week, I went to the gym four times - 3 of which I did the Couch to the 5k program and one time spent on an elliptical.  If I drop dead next week trying to increase my running with the second week of the 5k program, I'll ask Sandra to notify you by posting a blog here.

Anyway, I am glad to be back at it, and feel like I am back on track a bit.  Last week after my fill, I still weighed in at 264 which is a total weight loss of 60 pounds.  This morning, I weighed in at 259.8 so I'm officially down 64 pounds!  I haven't seen the 250's in probably 9 years.  I feel really good and feel that I'm starting to look good, although I still have a ways to go.  Thanks for stopping by!

Double Take

   It is easy to judge someone who is overweight.  Even when I weighed in at 338 pounds, it was easy to look at someone who was large and think about how they let themselves go, or how they have no will power or self control.  In my mind, I never looked like them. I hope it is pretty obvious through this blog and my conversations, that I don't have much issue sharing about my weight.  I thought I noticed something over the past couple months, but I was sure of it last week.

   I went to have my eyes checked and like all doctor's offices, I had to complete the medical history forms.  Then the doctor goes through everything with you again, because they are obviously too busy to read it themselves.  When he asked me about medical procedures, I go through the list...appendix, back, weight loss surgery...then it happened.  The double take.  He had turned slightly away from me going through the forms, but at the mention of weight loss surgery, his head pops back quickly and does a quick scan of my body.  This time, it was simply too obvious to avoid notice.  It isn't the first time it has happened to me.

   For some reason, you tell someone you had surgery to lose weight, and it's like they are looking at your body to see what kind of shape you are in.  Usually, as a guy, it is my stomach they glance at, but not always...but I notice that it happens all the time.  It's strange how you say, "I've lost 60 pounds since November" and it is like people suddenly have the need to look at your body to see how they think you're doing.

   Sometimes their face gives it away.  I wonder what is going through their head as they give me the once over.  Are they thinking about how big my belly is even after I've lost that much weight?  Are they looking to see a double chin?  Do I have sagging extra skin or something?  I'm sure I'm not the only one to experience this.

  For a while, I was really uncomfortable when people complimented me.  I try to take it in moderation and I hope that I hide my discomfort of the situation when people say things.  They shouldn't have to be uncomfortable because I might be.  Now, I think a lot about how people really perceive me.  I think a lot about how they think of a person who chose surgery because nothing else seemed to work.  I wonder what goes through their head when they do the double take.  Then I wonder if it's all just in my head.

Holding Steady

   Sorry for not posting more often, but there isn't much to post on this particular journey anymore.  I lost 60 pounds in four months, and I've been holding steady.  I went on February 16 and had my band filled - they added almost double the fluid in it that I had before.  Since then, I've lost a whopping 0 pounds.  I thought something like that would make me frustrated, but it hasn't at all so far.  I'm annoyed at the cost of having the band filled for it to not boost my weight loss, but not frustrated.  Does that make sense?

   I've been mostly faithful about going to the gym, which is great.  It is addicting to work out.  Once you start, your day somehow feels off if you don't do it.  I am looking forward to warmer weather so I can ride my bike to work.  It will be those little things that I enjoy so much that will help continue the weight loss journey.  I saw pictures of myself taken this past weekend at Landen's birthday party and for the first time, I thought I looked pretty good.  It's actually hard to find good comparison pictures, The first one is from October 2008, then one from October of last year and one from this past weekend.  I actually think I have a good idea for a post based on something I experienced the other day.  I'll try to update again this week.  Happy Tuesday!

Weigh In #10

265

That puts me at 59 pounds lost since I had surgery and 73 pounds down from the largest I've ever been.  It is bizarre to think about that much extra weight being on my body now.  I can barely hold my kids up for brief periods of time before I am simply too tired.  How did I even function when I was that large?  I did a lot of sitting and not a lot of living life.  Not a lot of playing with my children unless it was a nice sedentary activity.  Not a lot of adventure with my wife unless we could drive there and sit and enjoy it.  Life is so much better already because I don't feel on the brink of collapse when I am up and about. 

265 is a special number to me though.  My wedding was June 29, 2002.  I was barely 22 years old.  I am almost 31 now.  When I got married though, I tipped the scales at 265.  I remember because it was four years after I finished high school and I'd put on 40 pounds since I graduated.  That means that I now at my lowest weight in 8 years and 8 months.  

I went and had my band filled again this week.  I am glad because I almost doubled the amount of fluid that it contained.  The doctor said that normally she'd talk about what I'm doing and give advice about where I can improve to help my progress, but she didn't need to.  She told me, "I don't want to know what you're doing.  Whatever it is, it is working and you should just keep going."  That made me feel good.  59 pounds in 3 1/2 months feel great!

Weigh In #9

I realize I am so bad at posting updates to this blog.  I honestly expected this to be a pretty exciting adventure where I could post all the cool experiences I've been having.  So far, it has been pretty boring.  Last Friday, I weighed myself again and lost 2 pounds for the week.  I am able to eat an incredible amount of food though, and I'm worried that I don't have the will to limit myself.  Sandra's been super helpful at cooking dinners at home so we eat out less, but we both find that we are wanting snacks at night.  It's not a problem for Sandra who never gains or loses weight, but I feel like I am hitting a wall with my weight loss.  I still don't know how much it costs to have my band filled, so I'm worried about going so often.

I am reading a book for a discussion being held on campus this month.  It is called Such a Pretty Face: Being Fat in America, and although it is 30 years old, it is amazingly relevant to weight issues today.  Once I finish it, I will post the review here and on my other blog.  The discussion is supposed to be the last full week of February and is part of Body Image Awareness Week.  I'm hoping I can bring some unique perspective to the discussion as a male who struggles with weight, has had weight loss surgery and also experiencing two small children old enough to start recognizing that people are viewed differently based on appearance.  I'll let you know how it goes.

Weigh In #8

   The last official post with my weigh in was December 28, so it seems fitting that I should post again on January 28.  You can check out my last weight in post by clicking here.  I've been somewhat frustrated with the band in general because I thought it was going to severely limit what I could eat, and generally, that hasn't been the case. I have been filled twice and still struggle with the desire to eat, but that is getting easier with time.  The other thing that has proven a lot easier is not drinking food during my meals or for 30 minutes after.  When you limit your liquid intake, the food stays with you so and it takes longer to feel hungry again.  I thought that would be a struggle, but I'm used to it and there is rarely something I eat where I feel I need to have a drink to wash it down.

   I suppose most people don't read a weigh in post for anything but the weight.  This morning, I came in at 269 which is 11 pounds lost since December 28 and a total lost of 55 pounds since November 1.  I'm certainly not complaining about how much I continue to lose.  Maybe I should simply be grateful that I don't have the eating issues that are so common with a band surgery.  When I got married in 2002, I weight 265, so in a week or so, I will be the smallest I've been in almost 9 years!!

Taking It to the Limits

This weekend was not the best weekend I've had since I had my lap band put in. I have felt for some time that I can eat too much and went to have the band filled twice due to those feelings. I told Sandra that I want to eat like a small child. Until this weekend, I had never really pushed to see how far the band would really allow me to go.

You've probably heard jokes about a fat guy at a buffet. I know I've heard them and told them. This weekend, I was that guy. My small group got together on Sunday which is pretty normal. Since there was a bunch of football, we decided to watch and had people bring good football food...sausages, hot wings, chips, queso...all the good stuff. It is absolutely amazing how quickly you revert to your old habits. I just kept grabbing more and more food because it was so good!

The band finally told me to stop. Actually, it felt like it took my insides and twisted them up and tied my stomach into a giant knot to the point that it hurt to even drink water. I have taken my band to the limit and I did not like it at all. I managed to put a pound or so back on with my poor choices this weekend. It might be easier to lose with a band, but you can obviously get around it. I'm back at it now and determined to keep moving in the right direction.

Band Fill Video

Yesterday, I drove over to Cheyenne to get my band filled again. I am getting a lot of restriction on my band and currently only have 6 cc of fluid in there. She told me it was pushing pretty hard against her when I drank the barium. I can tell you that I definitely notice more restriction this time than I did last time. You can read about what the fill process is like by clicking this link.

I wanted to be able to show people what it was like as much as possible and you could actually see how the band works. They allowed me to use my cell phone to record the video of how my body handles food and drinks after I swallow them. First, I'll start with this picture of the band and port. It will help the video make a little more sense.  You see the darker part over my spine that curves down and to the right...that is the barium inside me.  The small part is the actual opening of my stomach and then you see it spread a bit once it goes through the banded section of my stomach.  Now watch the video below and you will see how it works.  I drink the fluid, you see it stop and fill my esophagus, then travel through the limited opening and spread through the stomach.  This is just liquid, so imagine how it works with food.  I was really surprised to see how small the opening actually is.  Anyway, I posted my 50 pounds weight loss on the 5th and this morning, I dropped another 1.5 so I think going to the gym definitely has the positive impact I'm looking for.  Have a fantastic weekend.

Milestones

I haven't done much in the way of setting goals for myself through the process of weight loss. I know I'd like to weigh somewhere in the neighborhood of 200 pounds or less when all is said and done, but there are no smaller goals that I've been working towards. I did a very poor job of eating and working out over my Christmas break, but still managed to continue losing small amounts of weight. Last night, I made it back to the gym and huffed and puffed my way through some weight machines and some time on the elliptical. It felt so good to be back at it. Yesterday was also cool because I weighed in at 274.8 which puts my weight loss at 50 pounds!

It seems strange to say I've lost 50 pounds in 65 days. It makes me wonder how I would do if I were to focus just a little harder on my time in the gym. Our good friend Shelly stopped by last night and was talking about the work she's doing to get ready for a 10k that she is going to run. I have no goals like that. I just want to weigh less and be healthier. Sandra has mentioned she might be interested in doing some sort of run like that. I'm not sure if I use things like my bad knee or back as an excuse because I'm scared to actually try. I'm sure if I focused on it, I could accomplish so much more than I ever thought.

I've had many thoughts in my head since I had surgery about who I am as a person. How did I ever allow myself to get as large as I did? What if I fail? The hardest thing I deal with right now is people pointing out how much I've lost to me, or especially commenting about how good I look. I think I spent so long being big that I feel I don't deserve any kind of praise. Sort of an, "I did this to myself" kind of thing. It just seems awkward and I don't know how to respond. I have this mentality that I don't deserve good things because of what I have done. That's a hard struggle. It's not like I'm depressed or having crazy negativity going on. I feel really good physically and I am starting to finally like how I look. It's hard to explain.

Regardless, I think it might be good to work on some other milestones in this journey. Maybe I should work out a plan with Sandra to try to run a 5k, or perhaps I could set up a plan to lose a certain amount of weight by a certain day. My birthday is May 21, so should I set a goal of losing 100 pounds total by the time I'm 31? What sorts of goals do you have?

A Whole New Wardrobe

I'm something of a pack rat. It really drives Sandra crazy but I don't like to get rid of things because I might need them again at some point. This is especially true of my clothing. When I started the Lap Band journey, my pant size was up to 50x30 and was boring a 52" waist. I have been wearing 3x shirts for a number of years now. So every year when people would buy me clothing for Christmas, they would usually get things that had no real chance of fitting. I would graciously accept them and when I got home, they would make their way to the back of the closet with the tags left on them. Unless you are willing to pay high prices, you won't find many clothes that would fit someone this large outside of Walmart or Kmart. That is where almost all my clothing has been purchased for at least the last 3-5 years. Kmart was always the best for pants and Walmart would mark down the 3x polos every six months or so and I'd stock up. I could never bring myself to get rid of the clothes that didn't fit for some reason, no matter how many garage sales Sandra made us do.

When we were packing for our trip to Denver over Christmas, I decided to try on some of the old pants I'd saved. I looked through the piles and realized the smallest size I had saved had a 44" waist. I knew my current pants were definitely loose, but I didn't expect the 44 size to fit perfectly! I have about seven new pair of pants that I can wear again - at least four of those still have the tags on them. Knowing I was already that much lower in my pant size forced me (or maybe encouraged me) to try out the shirts. I went through all the shirts I'd stored away and pretty much have a brand new wardrobe. There are so many shirts that still had tags on them and many more that just hadn't seen daylight since my first son was born. I now have so many shirts and I'm excited to wear all this new gear.

The other weird thing that has changed since surgery is temperature...I can't handle it really cold anymore. For the first time since I was probably in my early teens, I want to wear slippers and sweatshirts. I'm sleeping with a down blanket on top of my comforter and there are times when Sandra gets hot and I'm still doing just fine. It is so weird to have all these changes taking place. I'm going again on Thursday to have another fill in the band. Hopefully it will give me the restriction I am looking for.