Double Take

   It is easy to judge someone who is overweight.  Even when I weighed in at 338 pounds, it was easy to look at someone who was large and think about how they let themselves go, or how they have no will power or self control.  In my mind, I never looked like them. I hope it is pretty obvious through this blog and my conversations, that I don't have much issue sharing about my weight.  I thought I noticed something over the past couple months, but I was sure of it last week.

   I went to have my eyes checked and like all doctor's offices, I had to complete the medical history forms.  Then the doctor goes through everything with you again, because they are obviously too busy to read it themselves.  When he asked me about medical procedures, I go through the list...appendix, back, weight loss surgery...then it happened.  The double take.  He had turned slightly away from me going through the forms, but at the mention of weight loss surgery, his head pops back quickly and does a quick scan of my body.  This time, it was simply too obvious to avoid notice.  It isn't the first time it has happened to me.

   For some reason, you tell someone you had surgery to lose weight, and it's like they are looking at your body to see what kind of shape you are in.  Usually, as a guy, it is my stomach they glance at, but not always...but I notice that it happens all the time.  It's strange how you say, "I've lost 60 pounds since November" and it is like people suddenly have the need to look at your body to see how they think you're doing.

   Sometimes their face gives it away.  I wonder what is going through their head as they give me the once over.  Are they thinking about how big my belly is even after I've lost that much weight?  Are they looking to see a double chin?  Do I have sagging extra skin or something?  I'm sure I'm not the only one to experience this.

  For a while, I was really uncomfortable when people complimented me.  I try to take it in moderation and I hope that I hide my discomfort of the situation when people say things.  They shouldn't have to be uncomfortable because I might be.  Now, I think a lot about how people really perceive me.  I think a lot about how they think of a person who chose surgery because nothing else seemed to work.  I wonder what goes through their head when they do the double take.  Then I wonder if it's all just in my head.

Holding Steady

   Sorry for not posting more often, but there isn't much to post on this particular journey anymore.  I lost 60 pounds in four months, and I've been holding steady.  I went on February 16 and had my band filled - they added almost double the fluid in it that I had before.  Since then, I've lost a whopping 0 pounds.  I thought something like that would make me frustrated, but it hasn't at all so far.  I'm annoyed at the cost of having the band filled for it to not boost my weight loss, but not frustrated.  Does that make sense?

   I've been mostly faithful about going to the gym, which is great.  It is addicting to work out.  Once you start, your day somehow feels off if you don't do it.  I am looking forward to warmer weather so I can ride my bike to work.  It will be those little things that I enjoy so much that will help continue the weight loss journey.  I saw pictures of myself taken this past weekend at Landen's birthday party and for the first time, I thought I looked pretty good.  It's actually hard to find good comparison pictures, The first one is from October 2008, then one from October of last year and one from this past weekend.  I actually think I have a good idea for a post based on something I experienced the other day.  I'll try to update again this week.  Happy Tuesday!