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Two of the "rules" for people who are banded are that we should avoid unnecessary liquid calories and we should also avoid carbonation. Liquid calories I understand, but as I understand it, carbonation is more an issue of comfort. Since your stomach is smaller, the air can cause a lot of discomfort. I suppose enough pressure could probably cause your band to slip.
Either way, I took it really easy on food yesterday so that I could go hang out with a friend and drink a beer last night. I have to say, the first beer since October-ish was really good. I got the sampler at The Library again because I love trying all of them. Needless to say, I managed it just fine. I'm sure I won't be going crazy on the liquid calories, but I can see myself getting a pint of the Oatmeal Stout every now and then. I highly recommend it!
Apr 19, 2011
Apr 17, 2011
It's so easy to put information out on a blog, or tell people when things are going so well during a weight loss journey. It is much harder to tell people where you struggle or how you cheat the system. I finally poured out my feelings to Sandra that I've been dealing with the past month or so. This journey has gotten progressively harder but it's amazing when you realize how much other areas of your life really affect your weight.
I have been cheating. It is so easy to cheat, as anyone knows who has ever tried to lose weight. It starts with the thought that, "It's just a little piece of brownie" or "It's ok if I overdo it just a little bit tonight. After all we are celebrating or we're hanging out with friends." With a band, you can't just allow a conscious slip up though. You have to choose it.
One of Sandra's new favorite things is the s'mores dessert pizza from Papa Murphy's. They had it at Valentine's Day and told me that it was a temporary thing for the holiday. Here we are in mid-April and they still have it. She loves it and so do I! It is relatively cheap at $4 and one of the few desserts that we both equally enjoy. The problem is that for me to enjoy it, at least in the amounts I want to, I have to drink water while I'm eating it to force food through the band. Otherwise, it does its job and makes me feel full. I know how to cheat the system, and if there is something I like to eat, I WILL cheat the system.
It is hard to explain how it feels when you have to cheat. If you've ever had hiccups that were pretty strong and had to drink, you get that feeling like there is somehow a huge piece of food trapped and you can feel it sort of forcing its way through your stomach. Maybe that's just me. Anyway, that is what it feels like. There is something that doesn't want to go through and when you take a drink and swallow slowly, you feel a lot of internal pressure on your stomach and it hurts to go through. Once it is through, there is now room to continue eating.
I've found myself lately in a place where I allow other frustrations to influence my desire for food, because food makes me feel better. Whether it is dealing with financial struggles because my salary isn't quite enough to cover everything, or dealing with a child who is incredibly rude to a really good friend, or one that whines about having to do homework. Whatever it is, there is always some excuse for me to eat. I told Sandra all this last night and asked her to not want s'mores pizza for a while. I asked her to not want to eat out, because if I run to grab something for us, I'll probably find an excuse to grab something extra that I don't need. I asked her to help me get back on top of not drinking anything during my meals.
It can't be her decision though. I will be 31 in a month and need to be a man and learn to take a stand. I need to make better choices for myself, or this whole process will have been a waste of time. I need to teach my kids that external circumstance should not dictate how we live our lives. I want better for myself and for my family. Sorry this is so long, but thanks for listening.
I have been cheating. It is so easy to cheat, as anyone knows who has ever tried to lose weight. It starts with the thought that, "It's just a little piece of brownie" or "It's ok if I overdo it just a little bit tonight. After all we are celebrating or we're hanging out with friends." With a band, you can't just allow a conscious slip up though. You have to choose it.
One of Sandra's new favorite things is the s'mores dessert pizza from Papa Murphy's. They had it at Valentine's Day and told me that it was a temporary thing for the holiday. Here we are in mid-April and they still have it. She loves it and so do I! It is relatively cheap at $4 and one of the few desserts that we both equally enjoy. The problem is that for me to enjoy it, at least in the amounts I want to, I have to drink water while I'm eating it to force food through the band. Otherwise, it does its job and makes me feel full. I know how to cheat the system, and if there is something I like to eat, I WILL cheat the system.
It is hard to explain how it feels when you have to cheat. If you've ever had hiccups that were pretty strong and had to drink, you get that feeling like there is somehow a huge piece of food trapped and you can feel it sort of forcing its way through your stomach. Maybe that's just me. Anyway, that is what it feels like. There is something that doesn't want to go through and when you take a drink and swallow slowly, you feel a lot of internal pressure on your stomach and it hurts to go through. Once it is through, there is now room to continue eating.
I've found myself lately in a place where I allow other frustrations to influence my desire for food, because food makes me feel better. Whether it is dealing with financial struggles because my salary isn't quite enough to cover everything, or dealing with a child who is incredibly rude to a really good friend, or one that whines about having to do homework. Whatever it is, there is always some excuse for me to eat. I told Sandra all this last night and asked her to not want s'mores pizza for a while. I asked her to not want to eat out, because if I run to grab something for us, I'll probably find an excuse to grab something extra that I don't need. I asked her to help me get back on top of not drinking anything during my meals.
It can't be her decision though. I will be 31 in a month and need to be a man and learn to take a stand. I need to make better choices for myself, or this whole process will have been a waste of time. I need to teach my kids that external circumstance should not dictate how we live our lives. I want better for myself and for my family. Sorry this is so long, but thanks for listening.
Apr 5, 2011
The Tuesday Funk
It is so weird how dramatically attitude can shift. I felt really good last week and felt like I was making progress. Then something feels like it clicked the wrong way and now I just feel off again. I don't want to focus on losing weight. I don't want to focus on exercising. I think I've lost my mojo and don't really want to push to make any more progress.
I want to cheat. I want to drink soda again. I want to eat Qdoba breakfast burritos three times a week and snack on plates of nachos at night while I watch television or play video games. I want to make tasty desserts and finish off the pan after everyone goes to sleep. It just doesn't feel like things are heading in the right direction. They warned of potential "dark times" in this process and I think I'm there...ready to give up like so many times before.
I know I'll work hard enough to not go back, but I can't seem to find the motivation to work hard enough to move forward. I need to find a place of contentment and I know that eventually I will be back on track. No matter how funky things feel sometimes, I know it will pass and things will progress like they should. It just stinks feeling shifts like this with no real indicator of why.
I want to cheat. I want to drink soda again. I want to eat Qdoba breakfast burritos three times a week and snack on plates of nachos at night while I watch television or play video games. I want to make tasty desserts and finish off the pan after everyone goes to sleep. It just doesn't feel like things are heading in the right direction. They warned of potential "dark times" in this process and I think I'm there...ready to give up like so many times before.
I know I'll work hard enough to not go back, but I can't seem to find the motivation to work hard enough to move forward. I need to find a place of contentment and I know that eventually I will be back on track. No matter how funky things feel sometimes, I know it will pass and things will progress like they should. It just stinks feeling shifts like this with no real indicator of why.
Apr 1, 2011
Weigh In #11
The last time I posted a weight here, it was 265. That was over a month ago. I mentioned in a subsequent post that I was simply holding steady and hadn't lost any weight. I went and got my band filled again, and they added only 1cc of fluid. That sure doesn't seem like much, but I am the most restricted I've ever been and I actually notice it now. Especially when I eat certain types of breads or something mushy like a french fry. Food is getting stopped at the opening of my stomach and it gets pretty uncomfortable. Thankfully, I'm still not having issues with things like PB (productive burping) which is a disgusting term they give at my clinic for the process where you body produces mucous to get food through or bring it back up.
I have had a few times where I needed to stand up and walk around, or even drink some water to get food through. My only option at that point is to find a way to force it through, or find a way to bring it back up. There's some definite discomfort when it is forced through, but I think it's better than the alternative.
I also finally made it back to the gym this week. I started slacking and went through a little bit of a funk for a few weeks there. I only went a couple times, then didn't go at all for two full weeks. That is pretty bad on my part. The pre-approval process for surgery included a psychological evaluation because a lot of people struggle with depression with weight loss or more specifically having to learn to deal with whatever the person was avoiding by eating. This week, I went to the gym four times - 3 of which I did the Couch to the 5k program and one time spent on an elliptical. If I drop dead next week trying to increase my running with the second week of the 5k program, I'll ask Sandra to notify you by posting a blog here.
Anyway, I am glad to be back at it, and feel like I am back on track a bit. Last week after my fill, I still weighed in at 264 which is a total weight loss of 60 pounds. This morning, I weighed in at 259.8 so I'm officially down 64 pounds! I haven't seen the 250's in probably 9 years. I feel really good and feel that I'm starting to look good, although I still have a ways to go. Thanks for stopping by!
I have had a few times where I needed to stand up and walk around, or even drink some water to get food through. My only option at that point is to find a way to force it through, or find a way to bring it back up. There's some definite discomfort when it is forced through, but I think it's better than the alternative.
I also finally made it back to the gym this week. I started slacking and went through a little bit of a funk for a few weeks there. I only went a couple times, then didn't go at all for two full weeks. That is pretty bad on my part. The pre-approval process for surgery included a psychological evaluation because a lot of people struggle with depression with weight loss or more specifically having to learn to deal with whatever the person was avoiding by eating. This week, I went to the gym four times - 3 of which I did the Couch to the 5k program and one time spent on an elliptical. If I drop dead next week trying to increase my running with the second week of the 5k program, I'll ask Sandra to notify you by posting a blog here.
Anyway, I am glad to be back at it, and feel like I am back on track a bit. Last week after my fill, I still weighed in at 264 which is a total weight loss of 60 pounds. This morning, I weighed in at 259.8 so I'm officially down 64 pounds! I haven't seen the 250's in probably 9 years. I feel really good and feel that I'm starting to look good, although I still have a ways to go. Thanks for stopping by!
Mar 10, 2011
Double Take
It is easy to judge someone who is overweight. Even when I weighed in at 338 pounds, it was easy to look at someone who was large and think about how they let themselves go, or how they have no will power or self control. In my mind, I never looked like them. I hope it is pretty obvious through this blog and my conversations, that I don't have much issue sharing about my weight. I thought I noticed something over the past couple months, but I was sure of it last week.
I went to have my eyes checked and like all doctor's offices, I had to complete the medical history forms. Then the doctor goes through everything with you again, because they are obviously too busy to read it themselves. When he asked me about medical procedures, I go through the list...appendix, back, weight loss surgery...then it happened. The double take. He had turned slightly away from me going through the forms, but at the mention of weight loss surgery, his head pops back quickly and does a quick scan of my body. This time, it was simply too obvious to avoid notice. It isn't the first time it has happened to me.
For some reason, you tell someone you had surgery to lose weight, and it's like they are looking at your body to see what kind of shape you are in. Usually, as a guy, it is my stomach they glance at, but not always...but I notice that it happens all the time. It's strange how you say, "I've lost 60 pounds since November" and it is like people suddenly have the need to look at your body to see how they think you're doing.
Sometimes their face gives it away. I wonder what is going through their head as they give me the once over. Are they thinking about how big my belly is even after I've lost that much weight? Are they looking to see a double chin? Do I have sagging extra skin or something? I'm sure I'm not the only one to experience this.
For a while, I was really uncomfortable when people complimented me. I try to take it in moderation and I hope that I hide my discomfort of the situation when people say things. They shouldn't have to be uncomfortable because I might be. Now, I think a lot about how people really perceive me. I think a lot about how they think of a person who chose surgery because nothing else seemed to work. I wonder what goes through their head when they do the double take. Then I wonder if it's all just in my head.
I went to have my eyes checked and like all doctor's offices, I had to complete the medical history forms. Then the doctor goes through everything with you again, because they are obviously too busy to read it themselves. When he asked me about medical procedures, I go through the list...appendix, back, weight loss surgery...then it happened. The double take. He had turned slightly away from me going through the forms, but at the mention of weight loss surgery, his head pops back quickly and does a quick scan of my body. This time, it was simply too obvious to avoid notice. It isn't the first time it has happened to me.
For some reason, you tell someone you had surgery to lose weight, and it's like they are looking at your body to see what kind of shape you are in. Usually, as a guy, it is my stomach they glance at, but not always...but I notice that it happens all the time. It's strange how you say, "I've lost 60 pounds since November" and it is like people suddenly have the need to look at your body to see how they think you're doing.
Sometimes their face gives it away. I wonder what is going through their head as they give me the once over. Are they thinking about how big my belly is even after I've lost that much weight? Are they looking to see a double chin? Do I have sagging extra skin or something? I'm sure I'm not the only one to experience this.
For a while, I was really uncomfortable when people complimented me. I try to take it in moderation and I hope that I hide my discomfort of the situation when people say things. They shouldn't have to be uncomfortable because I might be. Now, I think a lot about how people really perceive me. I think a lot about how they think of a person who chose surgery because nothing else seemed to work. I wonder what goes through their head when they do the double take. Then I wonder if it's all just in my head.
Mar 8, 2011
Holding Steady
Sorry for not posting more often, but there isn't much to post on this particular journey anymore. I lost 60 pounds in four months, and I've been holding steady. I went on February 16 and had my band filled - they added almost double the fluid in it that I had before. Since then, I've lost a whopping 0 pounds. I thought something like that would make me frustrated, but it hasn't at all so far. I'm annoyed at the cost of having the band filled for it to not boost my weight loss, but not frustrated. Does that make sense?
I've been mostly faithful about going to the gym, which is great. It is addicting to work out. Once you start, your day somehow feels off if you don't do it. I am looking forward to warmer weather so I can ride my bike to work. It will be those little things that I enjoy so much that will help continue the weight loss journey. I saw pictures of myself taken this past weekend at Landen's birthday party and for the first time, I thought I looked pretty good. It's actually hard to find good comparison pictures, The first one is from October 2008, then one from October of last year and one from this past weekend. I actually think I have a good idea for a post based on something I experienced the other day. I'll try to update again this week. Happy Tuesday!
I've been mostly faithful about going to the gym, which is great. It is addicting to work out. Once you start, your day somehow feels off if you don't do it. I am looking forward to warmer weather so I can ride my bike to work. It will be those little things that I enjoy so much that will help continue the weight loss journey. I saw pictures of myself taken this past weekend at Landen's birthday party and for the first time, I thought I looked pretty good. It's actually hard to find good comparison pictures, The first one is from October 2008, then one from October of last year and one from this past weekend. I actually think I have a good idea for a post based on something I experienced the other day. I'll try to update again this week. Happy Tuesday!
Feb 18, 2011
Weigh In #10
265
That puts me at 59 pounds lost since I had surgery and 73 pounds down from the largest I've ever been. It is bizarre to think about that much extra weight being on my body now. I can barely hold my kids up for brief periods of time before I am simply too tired. How did I even function when I was that large? I did a lot of sitting and not a lot of living life. Not a lot of playing with my children unless it was a nice sedentary activity. Not a lot of adventure with my wife unless we could drive there and sit and enjoy it. Life is so much better already because I don't feel on the brink of collapse when I am up and about.
265 is a special number to me though. My wedding was June 29, 2002. I was barely 22 years old. I am almost 31 now. When I got married though, I tipped the scales at 265. I remember because it was four years after I finished high school and I'd put on 40 pounds since I graduated. That means that I now at my lowest weight in 8 years and 8 months.
I went and had my band filled again this week. I am glad because I almost doubled the amount of fluid that it contained. The doctor said that normally she'd talk about what I'm doing and give advice about where I can improve to help my progress, but she didn't need to. She told me, "I don't want to know what you're doing. Whatever it is, it is working and you should just keep going." That made me feel good. 59 pounds in 3 1/2 months feel great!
