Milestones

I haven't done much in the way of setting goals for myself through the process of weight loss. I know I'd like to weigh somewhere in the neighborhood of 200 pounds or less when all is said and done, but there are no smaller goals that I've been working towards. I did a very poor job of eating and working out over my Christmas break, but still managed to continue losing small amounts of weight. Last night, I made it back to the gym and huffed and puffed my way through some weight machines and some time on the elliptical. It felt so good to be back at it. Yesterday was also cool because I weighed in at 274.8 which puts my weight loss at 50 pounds!

It seems strange to say I've lost 50 pounds in 65 days. It makes me wonder how I would do if I were to focus just a little harder on my time in the gym. Our good friend Shelly stopped by last night and was talking about the work she's doing to get ready for a 10k that she is going to run. I have no goals like that. I just want to weigh less and be healthier. Sandra has mentioned she might be interested in doing some sort of run like that. I'm not sure if I use things like my bad knee or back as an excuse because I'm scared to actually try. I'm sure if I focused on it, I could accomplish so much more than I ever thought.

I've had many thoughts in my head since I had surgery about who I am as a person. How did I ever allow myself to get as large as I did? What if I fail? The hardest thing I deal with right now is people pointing out how much I've lost to me, or especially commenting about how good I look. I think I spent so long being big that I feel I don't deserve any kind of praise. Sort of an, "I did this to myself" kind of thing. It just seems awkward and I don't know how to respond. I have this mentality that I don't deserve good things because of what I have done. That's a hard struggle. It's not like I'm depressed or having crazy negativity going on. I feel really good physically and I am starting to finally like how I look. It's hard to explain.

Regardless, I think it might be good to work on some other milestones in this journey. Maybe I should work out a plan with Sandra to try to run a 5k, or perhaps I could set up a plan to lose a certain amount of weight by a certain day. My birthday is May 21, so should I set a goal of losing 100 pounds total by the time I'm 31? What sorts of goals do you have?