Double Take

   It is easy to judge someone who is overweight.  Even when I weighed in at 338 pounds, it was easy to look at someone who was large and think about how they let themselves go, or how they have no will power or self control.  In my mind, I never looked like them. I hope it is pretty obvious through this blog and my conversations, that I don't have much issue sharing about my weight.  I thought I noticed something over the past couple months, but I was sure of it last week.

   I went to have my eyes checked and like all doctor's offices, I had to complete the medical history forms.  Then the doctor goes through everything with you again, because they are obviously too busy to read it themselves.  When he asked me about medical procedures, I go through the list...appendix, back, weight loss surgery...then it happened.  The double take.  He had turned slightly away from me going through the forms, but at the mention of weight loss surgery, his head pops back quickly and does a quick scan of my body.  This time, it was simply too obvious to avoid notice.  It isn't the first time it has happened to me.

   For some reason, you tell someone you had surgery to lose weight, and it's like they are looking at your body to see what kind of shape you are in.  Usually, as a guy, it is my stomach they glance at, but not always...but I notice that it happens all the time.  It's strange how you say, "I've lost 60 pounds since November" and it is like people suddenly have the need to look at your body to see how they think you're doing.

   Sometimes their face gives it away.  I wonder what is going through their head as they give me the once over.  Are they thinking about how big my belly is even after I've lost that much weight?  Are they looking to see a double chin?  Do I have sagging extra skin or something?  I'm sure I'm not the only one to experience this.

  For a while, I was really uncomfortable when people complimented me.  I try to take it in moderation and I hope that I hide my discomfort of the situation when people say things.  They shouldn't have to be uncomfortable because I might be.  Now, I think a lot about how people really perceive me.  I think a lot about how they think of a person who chose surgery because nothing else seemed to work.  I wonder what goes through their head when they do the double take.  Then I wonder if it's all just in my head.

Holding Steady

   Sorry for not posting more often, but there isn't much to post on this particular journey anymore.  I lost 60 pounds in four months, and I've been holding steady.  I went on February 16 and had my band filled - they added almost double the fluid in it that I had before.  Since then, I've lost a whopping 0 pounds.  I thought something like that would make me frustrated, but it hasn't at all so far.  I'm annoyed at the cost of having the band filled for it to not boost my weight loss, but not frustrated.  Does that make sense?

   I've been mostly faithful about going to the gym, which is great.  It is addicting to work out.  Once you start, your day somehow feels off if you don't do it.  I am looking forward to warmer weather so I can ride my bike to work.  It will be those little things that I enjoy so much that will help continue the weight loss journey.  I saw pictures of myself taken this past weekend at Landen's birthday party and for the first time, I thought I looked pretty good.  It's actually hard to find good comparison pictures, The first one is from October 2008, then one from October of last year and one from this past weekend.  I actually think I have a good idea for a post based on something I experienced the other day.  I'll try to update again this week.  Happy Tuesday!

Weigh In #10

265

That puts me at 59 pounds lost since I had surgery and 73 pounds down from the largest I've ever been.  It is bizarre to think about that much extra weight being on my body now.  I can barely hold my kids up for brief periods of time before I am simply too tired.  How did I even function when I was that large?  I did a lot of sitting and not a lot of living life.  Not a lot of playing with my children unless it was a nice sedentary activity.  Not a lot of adventure with my wife unless we could drive there and sit and enjoy it.  Life is so much better already because I don't feel on the brink of collapse when I am up and about. 

265 is a special number to me though.  My wedding was June 29, 2002.  I was barely 22 years old.  I am almost 31 now.  When I got married though, I tipped the scales at 265.  I remember because it was four years after I finished high school and I'd put on 40 pounds since I graduated.  That means that I now at my lowest weight in 8 years and 8 months.  

I went and had my band filled again this week.  I am glad because I almost doubled the amount of fluid that it contained.  The doctor said that normally she'd talk about what I'm doing and give advice about where I can improve to help my progress, but she didn't need to.  She told me, "I don't want to know what you're doing.  Whatever it is, it is working and you should just keep going."  That made me feel good.  59 pounds in 3 1/2 months feel great!

Weigh In #9

I realize I am so bad at posting updates to this blog.  I honestly expected this to be a pretty exciting adventure where I could post all the cool experiences I've been having.  So far, it has been pretty boring.  Last Friday, I weighed myself again and lost 2 pounds for the week.  I am able to eat an incredible amount of food though, and I'm worried that I don't have the will to limit myself.  Sandra's been super helpful at cooking dinners at home so we eat out less, but we both find that we are wanting snacks at night.  It's not a problem for Sandra who never gains or loses weight, but I feel like I am hitting a wall with my weight loss.  I still don't know how much it costs to have my band filled, so I'm worried about going so often.

I am reading a book for a discussion being held on campus this month.  It is called Such a Pretty Face: Being Fat in America, and although it is 30 years old, it is amazingly relevant to weight issues today.  Once I finish it, I will post the review here and on my other blog.  The discussion is supposed to be the last full week of February and is part of Body Image Awareness Week.  I'm hoping I can bring some unique perspective to the discussion as a male who struggles with weight, has had weight loss surgery and also experiencing two small children old enough to start recognizing that people are viewed differently based on appearance.  I'll let you know how it goes.

Weigh In #8

   The last official post with my weigh in was December 28, so it seems fitting that I should post again on January 28.  You can check out my last weight in post by clicking here.  I've been somewhat frustrated with the band in general because I thought it was going to severely limit what I could eat, and generally, that hasn't been the case. I have been filled twice and still struggle with the desire to eat, but that is getting easier with time.  The other thing that has proven a lot easier is not drinking food during my meals or for 30 minutes after.  When you limit your liquid intake, the food stays with you so and it takes longer to feel hungry again.  I thought that would be a struggle, but I'm used to it and there is rarely something I eat where I feel I need to have a drink to wash it down.

   I suppose most people don't read a weigh in post for anything but the weight.  This morning, I came in at 269 which is 11 pounds lost since December 28 and a total lost of 55 pounds since November 1.  I'm certainly not complaining about how much I continue to lose.  Maybe I should simply be grateful that I don't have the eating issues that are so common with a band surgery.  When I got married in 2002, I weight 265, so in a week or so, I will be the smallest I've been in almost 9 years!!

Taking It to the Limits

This weekend was not the best weekend I've had since I had my lap band put in. I have felt for some time that I can eat too much and went to have the band filled twice due to those feelings. I told Sandra that I want to eat like a small child. Until this weekend, I had never really pushed to see how far the band would really allow me to go.

You've probably heard jokes about a fat guy at a buffet. I know I've heard them and told them. This weekend, I was that guy. My small group got together on Sunday which is pretty normal. Since there was a bunch of football, we decided to watch and had people bring good football food...sausages, hot wings, chips, queso...all the good stuff. It is absolutely amazing how quickly you revert to your old habits. I just kept grabbing more and more food because it was so good!

The band finally told me to stop. Actually, it felt like it took my insides and twisted them up and tied my stomach into a giant knot to the point that it hurt to even drink water. I have taken my band to the limit and I did not like it at all. I managed to put a pound or so back on with my poor choices this weekend. It might be easier to lose with a band, but you can obviously get around it. I'm back at it now and determined to keep moving in the right direction.

Band Fill Video

Yesterday, I drove over to Cheyenne to get my band filled again. I am getting a lot of restriction on my band and currently only have 6 cc of fluid in there. She told me it was pushing pretty hard against her when I drank the barium. I can tell you that I definitely notice more restriction this time than I did last time. You can read about what the fill process is like by clicking this link.

I wanted to be able to show people what it was like as much as possible and you could actually see how the band works. They allowed me to use my cell phone to record the video of how my body handles food and drinks after I swallow them. First, I'll start with this picture of the band and port. It will help the video make a little more sense.  You see the darker part over my spine that curves down and to the right...that is the barium inside me.  The small part is the actual opening of my stomach and then you see it spread a bit once it goes through the banded section of my stomach.  Now watch the video below and you will see how it works.  I drink the fluid, you see it stop and fill my esophagus, then travel through the limited opening and spread through the stomach.  This is just liquid, so imagine how it works with food.  I was really surprised to see how small the opening actually is.  Anyway, I posted my 50 pounds weight loss on the 5th and this morning, I dropped another 1.5 so I think going to the gym definitely has the positive impact I'm looking for.  Have a fantastic weekend.